Woman backs out of bridal party after best friend makes her cheating ex the Man of Honor: 'We haven't spoken since'

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Jul 23, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

You've heard of a maid of honor, but have you heard of a man of honor? It's becoming more and more common for brides to break tradition and assign the coveted role to their closest male friend, brother, or even a favorite cousin. After all, if you're shelling out tens of thousands of dollars for a wedding, shouldn't you get to choose exactly who stands by your side?

I'm here for it. Gender roles are out, and mixing things up makes for some pretty touching moments, especially when the bride's male bestie gives a tearful toast. But not every man of honor is a feel-good addition. Sometimes, the choice says more about the bride's emotional maturity than her priorities. 

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  • One woman's longtime best friend shocked her by choosing a very unexpected person to stand beside her at the altar. Her emotionally manipulative ex-boyfriend. The same man the bride once called “literal garbage in a human costume.” And yep, this wasn’t a joke. It was her final decision, and it may have cost her the friendship.

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    Cheezburger Image 10531850240
    via Chris For Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.


     

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    "AITA for dropping out of my best friend’s bridal party after she picked my ex as her "Man of Honor"?"

    So my (F 36) best friend (F 39) is getting married, and I was all-in as one of her bridesmaids. We've known each other since college, shared heartbreaks, dorm rooms, and hangovers. She
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    knows everything about my breakup with my ex he was emotionally manipulative, cheated on me, and caused a fallout so big I had to rebuild myself from the ground up. She was there for all of it, and at the time
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    called him "literal garbage in a human costume." Flash-forward to last month: she tells me she's choosing him as her Man of Honor because they "reconnected" and she thinks he's "grown." I
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    laughed because | thought she was joking. She wasn't. I tried to keep it together but told her I couldn't be in the bridal party if he was involved in such a major way. She said I was
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    being dramatic, that her wedding isn't about me, and that she values his support too. So I dropped out. I still plan to go as a guest... but now she's furious. She says I'm ruining her
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    special moment over "old wounds" and making her choose sides. But I feel blindsided. And betrayed. If the roles were reversed, I would never put her in a situation where she'd have to play
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    nice with someone who crushed her heart. So... AITA for stepping back instead of standing by her side while my ex stands at hers?
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    Update: I (F36) went to the wedding as a guest, and it was... complicated. I kept my distance during the ceremony. Seeing my ex standing beside my best friend the same — person who once helped
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    me pick up the pieces after he shattered me - felt surreal. He gave a speech. It was polished, charming, and full of inside jokes from their "reconnection." I felt like I was watching a version of reality I didn't belong to anymore.
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    via Thomas William For Unsplash+
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    After the ceremony, I tried to be cordial. I smiled, chatted with other guests, and avoided the bridal party. But my best friend cornered me during the reception. She said she
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    missed me, that she wished I'd "just let it go" for her sake. I told her I was happy for her, but I couldn't pretend everything was fine. I reminded her that healing isn't linear and that
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    asking me to stand beside someone who once emotionally wrecked me wasn't just inconsiderate, it was cruel. She cried. I cried. We hugged. But it didn't feel like resolution. It felt like goodbye.
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    I left early. I didn't stay for the cake or the dancing. I walked out into the night feeling both lighter and lonelier. We haven't spoken since. (By the way this was a couple of weeks ago)
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    Garden_Lady2 No, YNTA!!! Holy cow, why should you feel bad about not standing by her side when it's so obvious she doesn't stand by you? She made
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    her choice and if she really felt it any concern at all for you she would have asked you about it before asking your Ex to be Man of Honor. She was trying to stir the drama and she got what she wanted. Protect yourself from her, she's nasty.
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    Savage_Marie NOTOAO... I can't even believe you're nice enough to still go. Couldn't be me. It all
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    seems very sus and maybe you're not getting the complete story. Please do something petty ♣
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    Ginger630 Absolutely NTA! And this girl is NOT your friend at all. She's an enemy. She knows what your ex did to you. Why would she even reconnect with him?
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    I'd not only drop out of her wedding party, I'd drop the friendship altogether. And do not go to her wedding. She doesn't deserve your friendship. Block her on everything as well.
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    Make plans for that weekend with true friends who won't betray you.
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    dusty_relic It's weird that if you were such good friends then why weren't you moh? No matter if he changed or not, how is he at better friend to her than you?
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    Obviously he wasn't chosen because of his deep and lasting friendship with the bride. There was therefore another reason. Maybe that reason was specifically to hurt you or maybe you don't have anything to do with it other than being collateral damage. But, unless you already
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    know what the reason was, you can only conclude that she doesn't consider you much of a friend at all. Otherwise, you would at least have known that your ex had become such a close friend to the bride.
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    In college you told each other everything, but that's apparently no longer the case. Remember that feeling you had during your ex's speech, that you were "watching a version of reality that [you] don't belong to anymore"? That was your intuition speaking; your friend chose.
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    your ex over you long time ago. How long ago exactly? I don't know, but how long did it take your ex bf and your ex friend to develop all those inside jokes? She'd had to have been friends with him for quite a while if he has become so important to her that she wanted him, above all of her other friends, to be moh. She
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    chose to drop that bomb on you when she did because that she was the only way that she could see herself revealing the truth to you without her being the bad guy. She was angry at you, and instead of her being the one asking AITA she managed to get you wondering that instead. The
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    wedding wasn't about you, she said. And you ruined her special moment, and you were "making her choose sides". But she gad already chosen a side before you even knew that there were any sides. After all, she knew all the history and was right there beside you while it was
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    happening. She still knew it when she and your ex "reconnected". And she knew it the whole time she was becoming such a close friend of your ex's and simultaneously hiding it from you. The reason why you felt blindsided by her moh
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    announcement is because she had planned to blindside you with it and then dump the blame on you because you selfishly ruined her special day over old wounds. If she had told you under any other circumstances then you would have held her to account and wouldn't have doubted yourself for a moment. But
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    she chose to wrap the information up as a small footnote to her wedding. She was trying to use the wedding to distract you from her betrayal, no doubt hoping that you would just shut up and suffer silently rather than risk ruining her Special Day.
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    It's good that you didn't suffer silently and that you stood up for yourself. You may never know what the exact circumstances are that led her to want to make her friendship with your ex so public despite the pain it would cause you, but you can be sure that she didn't have your best interests in mind at
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    any time since the moment she and your ex "reconnected". I would be extremely curious. to know what the groom thinks of this friendship of hers and what his relationship with your ex is like. I wonder if he knows that his wife's man
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    of honor has a history of cheating? But that's not your problem because she's out of your life now. The wedding was a good bye, and you handled it with. class. But a new chapter is starting in your life, and this former college friend of yours will not be a part of it. And
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    that's what your instincts were telling you as you listened to your ex's speech.
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Tags

wedding party bridesmaids Crazy Brides friends selfish ex boyfriend fight Man of Honor cheater karma entitled people betrayal
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